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No. 1: A SPANKING
GOOD TIME
by Mistress Eloise
According to those terribly preachy self appointed doyens
of fetish - you know the ones, the Uber-Masters and Supreme
Mistresses who loiter around the Internet declaring their
better knowledge, or the ones who stop and lecture you in
a club after you have teasingly slapped your partners butt
- any teeny fetish mistake could be fatal, not only to your
other half but, god forbid, to your reputation.
When I was but a wee fledgling Mistress, I had a client,
whom we shall call John (because all clients are called John)
who had a penchant for cock and ball torture. One day, I began
a session by securing a cable tie around the base of his limp
shaft (balls included). The session continued much as sessions
do and, as you can imagine, by the end his cock was somewhat
harder. It wasn’t until he breathlessly admitted he
couldn’t come that I realised the tie had become so
tight no blood could flow either way. Whoops.
The simple fact is accidents do happen, concentrations wane
and fingers slip. Unfortunately, it’s an occupational
hazard for us fetish types and no amount of lectures on safety
or studying of anatomy is going to stop the odd rope restrained
hand going numb or the occasional blue-black bruise swell
on the round of a thigh.
Safety is mostly a matter of common sense. We all know about
spanking arse cheeks in the correct place, about not hitting
too high and avoiding the kidneys, about not tying someone
too tight or leaving them alone in a vulnerable position.
We know not to block any airways and we all know not to insert
a 7 inch butt plug into a virgin arse. But do any of these
parameters change when you take your play into a nightclub?
The main difference with playing in clubs is the introduction
of factors you cannot control. In the comfort of your own
play space you can set your own mood; your own candles and
music; your own equipment; you are on your own territory.
In a club, with a few hundred other people buzzing around,
things generally take a slightly different turn. But paying
a little attention at the right time can open many a door
for the opportunistic kinkster.
The vibe, and I don’t mean the rampant rabbit kind,
may not be the vibe you are used to playing with at home.
The brain is pretty gosh darn clever though, and it will pick
up on the atmosphere. Chances are it will get your body in
the mood for whatever it thinks is coming. So pay attention.
How does the club feel? Is it fun and friendly, full of tease
and expectation? Or hard and deviant, full of dark and wicked
promise? Whatever you feel, no doubt your partner is feeling
it too, so try not to go against the grain. Take a body prepared
for tease and titillation and expose it to raw and hard and,
well, you don’t need me to explain what will happen.
And anyway, who knows what might happen in a room full of
people all sailing along the same kink trip.
The issue of consent is, as ever, paramount. Make sure you
have permission to join in, even if it looks like a hedonistic
free-for-all. Make sure you are always able to refuse permission.
Remember that someone who says yes because they have been
worn down by nagging or pressure isn’t actually saying
yes at all. Ultimately, no means no. Unless, of course, you
have already agreed otherwise. Be respectful and be cautious
and attentive, not only for your partner but also the people
around you – no one wants to catch the tail end of your
flogger swing.
Naturally, there are still the things you can control, but
it’s easy to get carried away especially in a hot and
frisky nightclub. Even with all the buzz and excitement around
you don’t forget to gauge the headspace of your play
partner, carefully measure the intensity of your play. A warm
up is always essential; a teasing, light spanking to build
up to harder flogging or gentle muscle stretches if you are
playing bondage games. A well warmed up body feels better,
can take more, won’t bruise as easily and won’t
suffer any embarrassing muscle strains. When you are ready
to play properly, stay aware of what you are doing, what seems
like a light flick of your wrist can end up leaving welts
on your partners back especially if your eye is distracted
by some crazy debauchery in the corner. Speak to your partner,
stroke them, listen to the change in their voice, listen to
the change in temperature of their skin, both will tell you
everything you need to know about your partner’s emotional
and physical well being. And, more importantly, it’s
a great excuse to cop a feel.
Finally, and this is super important, please don’t
play when you’re pissed. Sure, playing after one or
two drinks is a buzz, inhibitions get lost and the games seem
to flow with ease, but playing when you can barely stand is
not a good look.
Oh, and as for John, we managed to wrangle our way out of
the situation. I was horrified. He just laughed and told me
that during his time he had seen proper irresponsible behaviour
and that accidents were just accidents. Several years on,
I haven’t been burnt at the stake or heralded a dangerous
harridan and I still play fetish games, even with John. I
learnt never to be afraid of asking if I wasn’t sure
and to never ridicule anyone for not knowing. We all had to
start somewhere. The safety of your play partner should always
be foremost on your mind, but don’t fear the little
mistakes – learn from them.
-ends-
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